Waiting for an Exam–Fadia Mereani

An office modernly furnished with a bookshelf full of heavy thick books and volumes on the left of the stage next to the door leading to the bathroom and a desk and a chair on the other side next to the door leading to the bedroom. On the desk, there are a pile of books, another pile of papers and a telephone. On the wall opposite to the audience there is a window tightly closed and secured with a thick rope. The view the window reveals is that of a dark landscape obscured with high buildings. Next to this window, there is an A/C and right below it there is a sofa-bed on which there is again a number of volumes, books, and periodicals. Papers are hanged on the walls, window and doors and scattered on the ground under the desk and sofa.

Two young girls poorly clad in torn nightgowns, coats, and sandals with disheveled tousled hair come in from the right door, marching together quickly to the other side of the stage. Each one of them picks up a book from the shelves and starts reading loudly and incoherently. One of them starts walking slowly to the other side of the room and a few minutes later the other one follows her. They pace the room back and forth, gradually increasing the speed of their pace until they crash into each other and fall to the ground. They rise up quickly and simultaneously go to the sofa-bed. As they are sitting down, however, one of them pushes the other harshly and the other one pushes her back until they both fall again to the ground with some of the books that have been there. This time they rise up again and one of them sits on the edge of the sofa-bed and the other lies down on her stomach and raises her legs up in the air while both of them are still clutching the books tightly, lifting them to their faces until they touch their noses. Noises heard from behind the books indicate that they are still reading unintelligibly. A whole minute passes by before the one lying on her stomach raises up her head, looks at her companion and says:

Nada: It’s too hot in here, Naseem. Switch on the A/C.

Naseem: (leaves the sofa-bed, takes off her sandals and coat, stands next to the A/C and scratches her head) What should we do?

Nada: Switch on the A/C.

Naseem: No! Why are WE here?

Nada: Oh I’ve just remembered. We are here to study.

Naseem: For what?

Nada: (leaving the sofa-bed and standing abruptly) For the exam!

Naseem: Aha! Do we have an exam? When?

Nada: Tomorrow…….. I think.

Naseem: But I heard it is difficult.

Nada: It is a disaster!

Naseem: It is still hot here and I am starving.

Nada: Take this cookie (Taking a cookie out of her pocket and a chicken leg from her other pocket) and keep this for next time.

Naseem: Next time!

Nada: When we have to study tomorrow for the next exam.

Naseem: Do we have another exam the following day?

Nada: Yes…… I think!

Naseem: No, no! The right question is…… do we have to STUDY for this other exam?

Nada: Yes…… I guess!

Naseem: Ok, what about this exam?

Nada: What about it?!

Naseem: I mean do we have to read every everything included in this exam?

Nada: Yes …… I assume!

Naseem: I mean do we have to cover the whole book?

Nada: Yes …… I presume!

Naseem: From A to Z?

Nada: Yes ….. I suppose 

Naseem: Is that God-only-knows-its-name poem included?

Nada: Which one?

Naseem: That hideously long one?

Nada: Yes …… I imagine!

Naseem: I mean do we have to…….

Nada: (interrupting) Yeeeeeeeeeees! We HAVE TO. And leave me alone. I need to concentrate.

They go back to the sofa-bed, sit down, bury their faces again in their books, and start reading even faster and louder this time. Nada takes a pen from under the papers scattered under the sofa and starts doodling and scribbling on her book. The telephone rings with a shrilling tone forcing both Nada and Naseem to stand up and run towards it. While holding the pen in her hand and picking the receiver with the other, Nada raises the pen to her ear and extends the receiver to Naseem who puts the receiver to her ear and gives the chicken leg to Nada who puts the chicken leg to her ear and gives the pen to Naseem who puts the pen to her ear and gives the receiver to Nada who takes a bite from the chicken leg and gives it back to Naseem who chews on the pen and then extends it to Nada who puts the receiver to her ear and shouts: Hello! Yes! Oh yes…… yes! Ooooooooh yes! But no I haven’t finished yet!

Naseem: (while devouring and stuffing her mouth with wolf-like bites of the chicken leg) Who’s this?

Nada: (hiding the receiver behind her back) Stop interrupting me! And go study.

Naseem: (almost choking on one of those huge bites) I won’t go unless you tell me who is calling at this time of the day?

Nada: (turning red with anger) First of all, it’s almost 9 o’clock in the evening. Secondly, this is Suha asking about the exam. Now go to study pleaaaaaaaaaase.

Naseem: Does it come?

Nada: No! We have to study first.

Naseem: Ok, Ok! Let’s study.

Nada: (putting the receiver to her ear) Hello again. What was I saying? It was something about the exam. Yes, I was saying that I haven’t finished yet. What about you? Have you finished all the plays?

Suha: I still have to cover Shaky and Thomas, the kid.

Nada: Ok, check your email. I’ve sent you an article entitled “Nothingness in Waiting for Godot“.

Suha: You mean “Nothingness in Waiting for the Exam”

Nada: (shakes her head, a jangling sound coming from somewhere) Yes! Nothing is there.

Suha: Ok time to go back to the papers.

Nada: Would you like to come to study with me?

Suha: That would be great!

Nada: Then don’t forget your laptop, your anthologies, your papers, your notes, your flash-disk, your bag, pajamas, pillow, blanket, mattress, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, towel, anti-bacterial lotion, anti-depression pills, sleeping pills, laxative pills, water, cereal, bananas and nuts….

Naseem: (waving her hands and blinking her eyes several times) Who is getting nuts?

Nada: (while making a face and throwing the pen and some papers at Naseem continues) Tea, coffee, herbs, candles in case the light goes out, walkie-talkie in case the telephone is out of order, and in short why don’t you move in?

Suha: (astonished) Do I need all of these things?

Nada: Yes, of course! My dear, YOU are studying for the exam!! How could you possibly survive without these things while studying for the exam? You need to take all precautions and be prepared for the worst.

Suha: Ok, you are the leader now.

Nada: See you then. Bye. (She hangs up and turns toward Naseem) Naseem, while waiting for Suha to come… Suha AND the exam to come, let’s check our information. Can you remember the name of the author who usually writes darkly about human fate?

Naseem: No, I can’t

Nada: Is it Poooooooooooooe?

Naseem: What? Have you turned into a ghost to frighten me! I am already scared to death because of the exam.

Nada: No no no! Poe, the American author.

Naseem: Oh no I don’t think so.

Nada: Who is it then?

Naseem: The one who wrote Castle and Bridge.

Nada: You mean The Mayor of Casterbridge

Naseem: I don’t know!

Nada: Perhaps he is Hawthorne?

Naseem: Who?

Nada: Hawthorne.

Naseem: Who is this Hawthorne? And why does he have a thorn in his name?

Nada: Because he is a thorn in the neck.

Naseem: Is it Hardy?

Nada: It is definitely Hardy; because he is giving us a HARD time.

Naseem: Nada, I am tired. I cannot concentrate. I am going to sleep now. Please wake me up after ten minutes.

She takes off her sandals and puts them next to her and then takes off her jacket, folds it neatly and places it on the sandals to make a pillow. As soon as she places her head on this pillow, she sleeps and starts snoring immediately.

Nada picks up a book and paces the room back and forth and then starts to move in circles around Naseem. She reads from the book: and miles to go before I sleep (She jumps over Naseem) and miles to go before I sleeeeeeep (She jumps again over Naseem to the other side. She then bends and pushes her harshly to wake her up, shouting loudly on the top of her lungs: Naseeeeeeeeeeeem! Naaaseeeeeeeeem, Wake up!

Naseem: Is it time?

Nada: For what?

Naseem: For the exam!

Nada: Not yet!

Naseem: I had a bad dream about the exam!

Nada: Don’t tell me!

Naseem: (She stands up and seizes Nada’s hand) I have to tell you!

Nada: (snatching her hand away from Naseem) Don’t!!!

Naseem: I am going crazy! I hear voices in my head, reciting poems and acting plays. (Her voice cracks) I cannot study. I cannot keep track of all of these names, dates, and titles either (she bursts into tears) I know I am going to fail the exam.

As soon as she finishes her sentence, she starts crying hysterically and runs toward Nada who embraces her and gently pats her shoulder. However, she suddenly stops patting Naseem’s shoulder and sniffs the air, pushing her back harshly and saying: You stink!

Naseem: (wiping her tears with her already dirty sleeve) Of course I do! I did not have time to have a shower or to comb my hair.

Nada: (moving away from Naseem to the other side of the room) Let’s study. (She sits down on the ground and opens one of the books scattered there. She throws the book and picks up another. She suddenly stops looking at her book and stares closely at the ground. She moves stealthily and slowly picks up a shoe and starts hitting the floor. Naseem shouts: What are you doing?

Nada: I am killing the roaming cockroaches.

Naseem: Do we have cockroaches?

Nada: Yes we do!

Naseem: Why? Haven’t you cleaned the room?

Nada: Noooooo! I didn’t have time to do that. And Naseem, you have to throw the dead roaches away.

Naseem: No I can’t.

Nada: You have to.

Naseem: No I don’t!

Nada: (picking up a pen from the ground, taking up a fighting position, and pointing the pen toward Naseem as if it were a sword) You will, or I will kill you.

Naseem: (picking up a book quickly from the ground and using it as a shield) No, I won’t.

Nada starts to spin around herself several times until she is positioned behind Naseem. She then uses the pen to tickle Naseem who drops the book and falls to the ground giggling on and on. They are, however, interrupted when Suha, in torn clothes, comes in from the right side of the stage. She is carrying a bag on her back, another one on her shoulder, and a third one in her hand. She is followed by a clownish figure wearing a loose garment patched with different colorful pieces in several places. She is tied with a thick rope to a cart loaded with heaps and heaps of books. A donkey is heard from the background. This clown starts to unload the cart in a mechanical movement.

Nada: Hi there! And who is this scarecrow following you?

Suha: Oh this is nothing! It is Fadia.

Nada: What is she doing?

Suha: She is just unloading the books we have to cover.

Naseem, hearing that piece of information, takes the books from the ground and puts them back into the cart behind Fadia’s back. Fadia, however, keeps on emptying the cart, while accelerating the speed of her movements. Naseem stops loading the cart for a moment, breathes heavily, stretches her arms and goes back to putting the books back into the cart. She stacks some thick volumes on top of each other and tries desperately to carry them together at the same time, but falls with a thud on her back.

Nada: (seeing the pain on Naseem’s face says to Suha) Would you please stop her? We already have enough books to cover. We are already covered to the top of our heads with books and papers. We don’t need more of these to read (pointing at the books in the cart accusingly).

Suha: (miserably tearful) I can’t stop Fadia. No body can, except the Prof, of course. He is the only one who can order her around. He is the one who sent her with me in the first place. If the Prof asks her to deliver the books, she will deliver the books. If he asks to unload the cart, she will unload the cart. If he asks her to write, she will write. And only when the Pro asks her to read, she will read. He has actually ordered her to read as soon as she finishes unloading the cart.

 Fadia, as if she were given the signal to begin her show, picks up a paper and reads: Uncle Donald has a farm eeeeeyaaaa eeeeeeeeeyaaaaaaaaaaaa ooooooooooo! Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Paronomasia can happen when hypallage is used in the same setting with misprision. The situation will get even worse when Leavisites take hold of weltschmerz, stretching the persona of the poem to include a zeugma and a sibilance. The anti-hero in the Odyssey has been recreated in the Purgatory of the Inferno, thus adding a comic relief to the Swiftian Utopia and Dystopia. A belated appearance and emergence of the character in the novel has forced the reader to jump off the bridge of eternity into the river of oblivion. Seneca, on the other hand, has assured Aristotle of the decline of drama in the modern age because T. S. Eliot has given Shakespeare the permission to deconstruct the text into pieces while slapping Wordsworth on his face. Wordsworth, in return, hits Pope who decides to kill Keats who has already killed the student who has definitely committed suicide trying to understand what it is all about. In this way, they all reach their Catharsis. Adieu, Adieu, Adieu.

Fadia, finishing her speech with a shriek, falls instantly to the ground. Nada and Naseem run to her rescue, grab her arms tightly, and push her upwards, trying desperately to help her stand, but in vain. She keeps on falling back as if her legs were made of jelly. Suha extends one of the bags she is carrying to Nada, saying:  She won’t stand unless you give her this bag full of books and (snatching the bags from the ground where she has placed them when she first arrived) she will need another bag to keep her balanced. And this bag is a gift with my compliments.

Nada takes the bags from Suha and puts them on Fadia’s shoulders. Fadia instantly stands up as erectly as a soldier. Nada then hangs the last one on Fadia’s neck, forcing her to bend forward, into that bowing position again, with the heavy load of the bag. Her dangling arms move to and fro like a pendulum, creaking like a worn-out machine.

Suha: (taking a number of books from the ground and giving them to Nada) Give her these. They will help.

Nada: How can I give her these books?

Suha: Place them in her hands.

Nada: Ok, Naseem, help me with this. Hold her hands together.

Naseem approaches Fadia carefully and as soon as she touches her, she flinches back and the squeaking sounds coming from her arms get louder. Nada shouts: Stop it. You will disturb the mice.

Naseem: (with rolling eyes) Do we have mice in our house?

Nada: Yes, of course. They have plenty to eat here.

Suha: (looking suspicious) Leave the mice alone now. Help Fadia stand first.  (Naseem holds Fadia’s right hand first and pushes it slowly until it touches her other hand. Nada then places the books in Fadia’s hands, one at a time. With each book, Fadia moves inches higher, rising up gradually like a robot back to the standing erect position. Naseem bends forward and stands up gradually too in an effort to imitate Fadia. Her legs, however, get entangled and she falls heavily to the ground. Nada laughs out loudly and hysterically, falling to the ground on her back while kicking the air uncontrollably with her hands and legs. Suha loses her temper and shouts at them: What are you two doing? Have you finished studying? Has anyone finished reading the books?

Nada: (standing quickly) No, not yet!

Suha: And you?

Naseem: (sitting in a Native Indian position with a confused expression on her face) not yet!

Suha: Aha! Does it come?

Nada: Not yet! We have to study first.

Naseem: (hysterically) We don’t have time. We won’t have time. Let’s kill ourselves!

Suha and Nada: (happily) Yes, let’s do it.

Naseem: (despairingly) We don’t have a rope.

Nada: We do.

Suha: Yes, it’s there at the window (She steps toward the window and tries to untie the rope, but can’t).

Nada: (stepping toward the window too) Let me try (She toys with the rope and pulls at it, but fails to untie it too) Naseem, why don’t you try?

Naseem: I can’t.

Nada: You have to!

Naseem: I don’t want to!!

Nada: (pushing Naseem toward the window) Don’t you want to kill yourself? Or do you prefer to study?

Naseem: (waving her hands in different directions) No no no! NO more studying, pleeeeeeeeeease!

Nada: Ok! Go ahead and untie the rope!

Naseem: (approaches the window slowly, touches the rope carefully, and pulls it tentatively at first and, discovering it is harmless, she tightens her grasp on it and pulls it harshly) Oh, please God help me! I wanna kill myself!

Nada: (to Suha) Let’s help her!

            Nada holds Naseem and pulls her from her waist. Suha follows hesitantly and pulls Nada from her arms. Naseem shouts at them: You are hurting me. Let go. Or I will let go!!

Nada: (shouting) Don’t let go. (She turns to Suha) Pull harder.

            Suha, responding instantly to the command, plants her teeth in Nada’s neck and pulls her violently with her arms and teeth. Nada screams in pain and lifts one hand in the air while holding onto Naseem with the other. Naseem lifts one hand in the air too and shouts: I can’t hold on. I will let goooooooo. She lifts her other arm and involuntarily goes backward, sweeping Nada and Suha on her way to the ground. They all landed on their backs laughing and crying hysterically. Nada is the first to sit down and, with the most miserable expression on her face, she looks at the other two and says: Let’s study!

            Suha and Naseem pop up their heads, look at each other hopelessly, sit down helplessly and say: Yes! Let’s study.

Each one of them grabs a book and reads loudly and unintelligibly.